


We Loved With A Love That Was More Than Love

by severaance



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Autistic Reid, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, warnings for ableism and slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6321286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/severaance/pseuds/severaance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Love - noun. Indescribable." Derek says and Spencer smiles that toothy lopsided smile that makes Derek's heart feel like a balloon.</p><p>Or, five times no one understood Spencer, and the one time someone did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Loved With A Love That Was More Than Love

**Author's Note:**

> "I think if you look around, you'll find that no one is quite right. But we all do the best we can." Anne Ursu - The Real Boy

The first time someone calls Spencer retarded, he's five years old. Another child pulls his hair and he screams and screams for ten minutes straight, rocking rhythmically on the ground. The teacher tries to comfort him, but he screams louder and digs his nails into his face. When he goes catatonic, she manages to get him to the guidance counselor's office. He says nothing, only rubs his hand up and down his arm until it's red and raw. They manage to get ahold of his mom, who rushes to the school in fear for her son.

"What happened?" She demands, seeing Spencer in a state of distress making her blood boil. The counselor and his teacher look concerned, but for other reasons.

"Mrs. Reid, your son had an.. Episode." The counselor's eyes dart over to Spencer, eyeing him up like something abstract and peculiar.

"What does that mean?" Diana replies, eyes narrowing.

"He started screaming and.. Rocking. He managed to harm himself in the process." She gestures to the crescent wounds on Spencer's face and arms. By now, Diana is fuming.

"My son got hurt under your watch and you cannot be bothered to be sympathetic? I see the way you're looking at him, like you think something's wrong with him!" She exclaims. The counselor only sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Mrs. Reid, we don't believe that but.. We do think there may be an.. Underlying issue here." When Diana doesn't respond, the woman before her sighs once again.

"Mrs. Reid, is your son mentally retarded?" Spencer doesn't give Diana a chance to respond.

"Retarded - adjective. First used mid fifteenth century, of Anglo-French and Latin origin - retarder, or retardare, from re and tardus, meaning slow. A delay in the development of something." He says in a monotone voice, stilling his hands momentarily before he continues scratching himself.

"I don't have to sit hear and listen to the insinuations of those whose IQ's are barely scraping double digits. My son exceeds the mental capacity both of you combined have and then some. Spencer, let's go, we're leaving." Diana spits, taking Spencer's hand despite his whine of protest. They exit the building and drive home in silence. They don't go back.

* * *

 

The second time, Spencer is eleven. He's sitting in his AP physics class, flapping his hands excitedly. He earns glares and odd looks from his classmates, but he's oblivious until the girl behind him kicks the back of his chair.

"Stop that. It's annoying and makes you look like a retard."

Spencer doesn't let himself get excited after that.

* * *

 

The third time, he's nineteen and away at MIT. There's a girl he likes, Melissa Newman. She's a sophomore, two years older than him but she still wants to talk to him. He has no idea why. He's helping her with an essay when she kisses him. He blinks at her owlishly, and then she's laughing - laughing hysterically, another voice from outside joining in. Melissa's door opens and another girl, a beautiful blonde, walks in. She grins at Spencer. He doesn't know what's funny.

"Sorry, sorry. I just wanted to know what it was like to kiss a retard." Melissa says as she wipes at her mouth, making a gagging noise that makes the other girl snort.

"Think of it as a science experiment. No hard feelings." She says with a sinister smile. "You can leave now." She shoos him out and Spencer robotically walks out of the door, their giggles fading as he walks home in the rain.

* * *

 

The fourth time, he's on his date with JJ. It's loud and everything is echoing. He whines and starts tugging on his ears, trying to desperately conceal his stim from her. He hears rustling near him and a woman is standing next to JJ.

"Excuse me?" She asks. JJ smiles at her and says, "Yes?"

The woman gives her a warm, yet sad, smile, the and reaches out to touch JJ's shoulder.

"I just had to tell you how strong you are for being able to deal with him so patiently. My brother is mentally retarded. It's so hard on me sometimes, I don't know what to do with myself." She sighs and gives JJ's shoulder a squeeze. Spencer doesn't even blink, while JJ just stares at the woman.

"You two have a nice day." She concludes, walking away, leaving a stunned JJ in her wake.

"Spencer, I'm-" She goes to apologize, but Spencer's hard face deters her. They watch the game in silence.

* * *

 

The fifth time, he's in a police department in a small town in Arkansas. He's got the case files and notes spread out on the table in front of him. He feels eyes burning into the back of his head, and he starts to hum loudly. The detective behind him narrows his eyes and turns to Hotch.

"He some kinda retard?" Spencer hears him question. He can feel the tension in the air as Hotch drags the detective out of the room. He talks to the captain. He doesn't do anything.

* * *

 

The sixth time, he's in a bar with Derek and Penelope. It's loud and the lights are bright but he's happy to be with his friends. He's twiddling his fingers, watching as Derek dances and Penelope flirts with a man at the bar, when a stranger approaches him.

"Hey, handsome." He says. "You all alone over here? Can I keep you company?" Spencer nods dumbly, letting the man pull up the chair next to him. He smells green, green like the forest.

"What's your name?" He asks. Spencer stills his fingers and swallows thickly, eyes focusing on the man's forehead.

"Spencer." He says lamely, but the man doesn't seem to be deterred. He smiles wide at Spencer and introduces himself as Marc. He's tall and built, but has nothing on Derek. Spencer's eyes trail to his friend on the dance floor. He's got his chest and groin pressed against the backside of a girl who's rubbing up against him. The man before Spencer sighs.

"Straight guys, am I right?" He comments, following Spencer's gaze. Spencer looks at him dumbly.

"Identifying an individual as straight instead of heterosexual is ignorant and offensive to those who identify as non-heterosexual as it implies heterosexuality is 'right' while non-heterosexuals are 'crooked'. Also, it's virtually impossible to know if an individual is heterosexual or not unless specifically stated by the individual themselves." Spencer spouts, biting his tongue the moment he sees Marc's eyes widened.

"I- Okay. Read you loud and clear. Sorry." He apologizes half-heartedly and insincerely. "So, are you str- heterosexual?" He asks, seemingly uncomfortable with the term.

"No." Spencer replies simply, resisting the urge to explain the ambiguity of his sexuality. Marc grins at that and it sets warning bells off in Spencer's head.

"Good, because you're way too pretty to resist." He comments, reaching out to tuck a strand of Spencer's hair behind his ear. Spencer jerks back violently, nearly falling out of his seat. He tries to grip the table to steady himself but he manages to knock his drink over in the process. It falls in Marc's lap and he yelps.

"Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you?" Marc yells at Spencer, who whines and cowers away, beginning to scratch himself.

"Are you fucking retarded? Jesus Christ." He spits at Spencer, who emits another low whine that dwindles into a whimper. Marc is about to yell once again when a voice stops him dead in his tracks.

"Is there a problem here?" Derek. Kind Derek. Understanding Derek. Derek who holds Spencer through his episodes. Derek whose smile makes the weight of the world feel a bit lighter. Derek who's wickedly smart and devilishly handsome. Derek his friend. Derek the man he's in love with.

"Man, he just spazzed out on me. I don't know what's wrong with him." Marc glares at Spencer who starts muttering something to himself.

"Nothing." Derek states concisely. Marc's eyes narrow at him. "Nothing is wrong with him. There is, however, something wrong with you. Does it make you feel big and tough to spit names at people? Are you fucking twelve years old, shaking kids down for their lunch money?" Derek's voice is venomous and Spencer flinches. He wonders if he's mad at him.

"Look, man, I-" Marc doesn't get a chance to finish.

"Don't 'look, man' me. Get out of my face." Marc doesn't argue and Derek takes Spencer outside wordlessly. Spencer keeps mumbling to himself, and Derek isn't quite sure what he's saying until they're away from the loud music and various conversations.

"Friendship - noun. Old English, derived from frēondscipe. First used mid 12th century. The state of being friends; showing kindness and care to another."

Derek smiles, reaching out to tip Spencer's chin up so he can look at him. They make eye contact with ease.

"Love - noun. Indescribable." Derek says and Spencer smiles that toothy lopsided smile that makes Derek's heart feel like a balloon.

"Middle English, from Old English lufu akin to Old High German luba, love, Old English lēof, dear, Latin lubēre, libēre, to please. A feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. To cherish." Spencer says shyly. Derek grins and pulls him into a hug that feels like home.

**Author's Note:**

> "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary." Oscar Wilde


End file.
